"Your face is depressing."

Over break, I cooked dinner for a some family friends. We started with smoked trout and champagne cocktails, then a salad of shaved fennel, arugula and oranges, then braised short ribs over mashed potatoes with roasted broccoli. For dessert we had poached pears with whipped cream and amaretto cookies. It was a menu I was pleased with- a rich appetizer that had some good protien to it, a crisp light salad, a meat-potato-vegetable combo (good in theory, the broccoli needed help) and a fruit dessert that was more elevated than a fruit cup, more seasonal than a sorbet. With a few adjustments, I'd make almost the same meno again.

A friend of mine from high school was there. "Do you cook, at school?" she asked. "Oh yeah, of course". Why would I not? What kind of a question is that? Do you eat at school?

"Do you have dinner parties??" Umm. No. What? For whom? I launched into my speech about my teeny tiny kitchen, and how I'll make soup Saturday afternoon for the week, and often roast chickens Sunday night, saving most of it for the 4 other dishes I'll get out of it...

"It's kind of depressing, to cook for just yourself."

You know how sometimes, you have no idea what to say at the time and you keep thinking of the things you wish you'd said?

I think it's depressing to think that cooking is just a party trick, and not the way that you feed yourself. I think it's depressing to think that you can only cook if there are four other people involved, that you alone aren't worth the effort. I think it's depressing if the only time you eat very good food is when it's immediately followed by a bill being dropped at your table. I think it's depressing to eat mass produced, prepared, pre packaged food that you know nothing about. I think it's depressing to always be either trying to tell someone how you want your meal prepared or resigning yourself to whatever they churn out. I think it's depressing to pay $20 for a mediocre meal that cost the restaurant $5 to make.

I'm back to my little apartment at school, and before I left I did a very good job of using up everything in my fridge. I came home to plenty of space to fill with groceries. Last night I made an Indian- style lentil soup, with green lentils (that I brought back from France) a piece of local Virginia bacon, regular mirepoix, lots and lots of Indian spices (cumin, corriander, cinnamon, cayenne, a little ginger..), half beef broth/ half water, and yogurt and cilantro on top. I've made lentil soup a lot. This one wins. I had that with stir fried cauliflower and green peas with garam masala. For dessert, I broiled some slices of grapefruit with vanilla, sugar and caramom and ate them hot out of the oven with yogurt.

I wouldn't have made that for dinner at home- for one thing, my mom doesn't like Indian food. Also, that's an appetizer and a side dish. Cooking alone is amazing. I love that I could eat two vegetable dishes and cheese. I could eat brushetta, hummus and olives. I could eat soup 10 days in a row.

I know it's sad, I don't have dinner parties. I have food.